John McCallum on Sleep

Once upon a time there were two skinny young men who trained in a commercial gym downtown. The gym was not overly large, nor was it especially fancy, but it had good solid equipment and lots of weight. This was probably fortunate because it was usually crowded in the evening.

The gym also had lots of benches scattered around. The benches all had soft padded tops which was also fortunate because the two young men spent most of their time sitting on them.

One winter evening, about half an hour from closing time, they were training as usual. One of the young men was lying on a flat bench with his eyes closed and his feet propped up on the wall. The other young man was stretched out on the abdominal board with his hands folded under his head for a pillow and big dark circles under both eyes.

They were talking about their training.

The first young man raised his head a little bit and said, “What else we gotta do?”

“Bench presses,” said the second young man. “Four sets.” He thought for a moment and a pained look came over his face. “And tricep presses and curls,” he added.

The first young man groaned and let his head sink back on the bench. “Man,” he said. “It’s like too much. I’ll never make it.”

The second young man put his hand politely over his mouth to stifle a yawn. “I tell you what,” he said. “How about we only do one set of bench presses?”

The first young man rolled his eyes around without moving his head and looked at him.

“Kinda taper off, like.”

“Right,” said the second young man. “Conservation of energy and all that.”

“Good idea, Fred,” agreed the first young man. “Capital suggestion and all that rot.” He wriggled farther down on the bench. “You go first.”

“Right after you, Ralph.”

“O.K.,” the first young man said. “I’ll take the strain. How much we using?”

“One seventy.”

“One seventy? Clarence, you jest.”

“No. Really.”

“Make it one fifty.”

“O.K.,” said the second young man. “One fifty.”

They put one hundred and fifty pounds on the bar and the first young man flopped down on a bench and did eight reps with it. “Man,” he said. “That’s a heavy brute.”

The second young man yawned hugely. “Ain’t we doin’ ten reps anymore?”

“Not tonight we ain’t,” said the first young man. “I’m outa gas like.”

The second young man rolled over on the abdominal board and closed his eyes. “Me too,” he said. “But, man, what a party. What time’d you cut out?”

“Three-thirty,” the first young man said. “I never hit the cool whites till four.”

“Quarter past for me,” said the second young man. “But what a bash.”

“Mint.”

“Wild.”

They lay back and closed their eyes and smiled broad sleepy smiles. They were lying there with their eyes closed and their mouths open when the gym owner walked over.

The gym owner was a large man about forty with a nagging wife and a worried look.

Usually he worried about money, but tonight he was worried because his wife was threatening to leave him and he was afraid she might change her mind. He walked over slowly because his feet hurt and spoke to the young men.

“How’s it going, fellas?”

The first young man looked up and smiled in a friendly way. “Like mint, Dad. A real invigorating thing.”

“Yeah,” said the second young man. He yawned deeply and crossed his legs. “Real invigorating.”

The gym owner stood for a while and looked at them lying there and wondered what the hell he was doing in the muscle business when he could have just as easy been a plumber. “What say we get rolling, fellas?” he said. “She’s getting close to quitting time.”

“No rush, Dad,” the first young man said. “We don’t pick up the girls till eleven.”

“Yeah,” said the second young man. “And, man, it’s cold out there.”

The gym owner closed his eyes and thought about his mortgage for ten seconds before he answered. “O.K. But you don’t want to cool off too much. You oughta keep going.”

“Good idea,” said the first young man. “Absolutely first rate.” He rolled over and spoke to the second young man. “Get goin!”

“Going?” the second young man said. “Charley, I just watched you bench pressing. I’m beat.”

The gym owner gritted his teeth and spoke to the second young man. “Did you do your bench presses yet?”

“Not yet, Dad,” the second young man said. He yawned and rubbed his eyes. “Matter of fact, I think I’ll maybe skip ‘em tonight.”

“Yeah,” said the first young man. “Like they don’t seem to be doing nothing for us anyway.”

“That’s a fact,” the second young man said. “We ain’t gettin’ nowhere.”

“Like we’re figuring on quitting anyway,” agreed the first young man.

“Right,” said the second young man. “Kinda rest up, like.”

The gym owner’s stomach twinged like it always did when people talked about quitting. He thought for a long moment about the re-built transmission in his car and the repair bill that looked like a ransom note and when he spoke his voice was soft and persuasive. “Listen, fellas. Believe me, that’d be a mistake. You’d regret it when you got older. A little weight training’s the best thing in the world for fellas your age.”

“I dunno, Dad,” the first young man said. “Seems kinda like a waste of time lately.”

“No, it’s not,” the gym owner said. “You’re improving your strength. You’re improving your health.” He racked his brain. “And besides,” he leaned forward and winked at the young men, “we know how the girls go for the old muscles, eh?”

He knew he’d made a good point and he slid on a risque grin to clinch the thing. He stood there leering in what he hoped was a worldly manner although actually he just looked like a dirty old man. “That’s where the muscles pay off, eh?”

“That’s the point, Dad,” said the first young man. He held up an arm like a stick and said, “Where’s the muscles?”

“Yeah,” the second young man said. “Like, what’s with this Tarzan bit?”

The gym owner thought desperately for a moment and then said, “Listen, fellas. You’re worried cause you’re not making progress, right?”

“Right.”

“O.K., then. If you’re not making progress there’s something wrong.”

The second young man closed his eyes again. “Like I already figured that, Dad.”

“O.K.,” the gym owner said. “O.K. But I know what your trouble is.”

The first young man lay back and said, “Interesting, Dad. Lay it on me.”

The gym owner blinked. “Pardon?”

“Tell us about it, Dad,” the second young man said. “Tell us all about it.”

“O.K.,” the gym owner said. He sat on the end of a bench. “Your big trouble, fellas, is… “he paused three seconds for full effect and then spoke in a firm heavy voice… “you’re not getting enough sleep.”

The first young man sat up and looked at the gym owner out of his bloodshot eyes. “Clyde,” he said. “You’re putting me on.”

“No,” the gym owner said. “Really. You can’t expect to gain if you don’t get your proper sleep.” He looked at the second young man. “How much sleep did you get last night?”

“Three hours.”

“Three hours? Why that’s nowhere near enough. You need a lot more hours sleep than that.”

“I do, Dad,” the second young man said. “Like about six more on the flip side.”

The gym owner wasn’t sure exactly what he meant but he felt he was getting through so he continued, “Going without sleep is the worst thing in the world for your health.”

“Yea,” said the first young man. “Like it’s tough on a growing boy.”

“Exactly,” said the second young man. “Absolutely lethal.”

“A real drag.”

The gym owner listened to them babbling away and wondered what the law said about justifiable homicide. “You see,” he continued, “your body is designed to go only so long without sleep. After that your health breaks down. You can’t expect to make gains. You can’t even expect to keep what you’ve got.”

He shifted around and continued. “Weight training is pretty concentrated stuff. It takes a lot out of you. You got to give your body a chance to recuperate.”

He looked carefully at the two young men to see if he was getting across. They didn’t look too interested but they hadn’t fallen asleep either so he continued. “You see, you load up on fatigue poisons during the day. These are all carried away by the blood while you sleep. The blood packs oxygen and nourishment to the tissues. It cleans them and rebuilds them. But if you don’t get rid of all the fatigue poisons you eventually run out of energy.”

“Outa gas, like,” said the first young man.

“Right,” said the gym owner. “Out of gas.” He thought for a moment and then said, “It’s kind of a double-edged thing. You don’t have the energy to train properly, so you don’t really do justice to the time you spend at it. You just can’t work hard enough to get decent results. After a while you can’t work hard at all.”

The second young man closed his eyes and said, “Man, that’s me. Like I’ve had it.”
“That’s right,” said the gym owner. “And even if you did work hard you wouldn’t gain. You don’t build up during the actual workout, you build up when you’re resting after.”

“That may be, Dad,” said the first young man. “Only what about it when you ain’t resting?”

“Then you won’t grow,” said the gym owner. “That’s one of the reasons so many young fellows don’t get much out of their training. You need lots of rest and sleep. If you’re working hard with the weights you need at least nine or ten hours sleep a night.”

He figured he’d made the point but he repeated it anyway. “If you want to build up big, you’ve simply got to get enough sleep. You’re wasting your time if you don’t. You got to get nine or ten hours a night if you want to make it.”

The first young man dragged himself up. “Well, Dad, in that case we ain’ta gonna make it.”

“Right,” said the second young man. “Like we got heavy commitments.”

The gym owner’s stomach started twinging again. “Look, fellas. Listen to me. Quitting isn’t the answer.”

“Maybe not, Dad, but it leaves more time.”

“Yeah,” said the second young man. “Like this training bit cuts into the social life.”

“Listen, fellas,” the gym owner said. “Take my word for it. This is the most important thing you’ll ever do. Don’t give it up.” He leaned forward and talked earnestly. “What’s more important than your strength? What’s more important than your health? What takes up so much of your time, anyway?”

The first young man grinned. “Girls, Dad. Girls.”

The gym owner blinked. “Girls? You don’t need to spend that much time with them.”

The second young man sat up too. “Man,” he said. “It’s no strain, you know.”

“Right,” said the first young man. “Like didn’t you ever chase ‘em, Dad?”

The gym owner straightened up and smiled nostalgically. “Matter of fact, fellas, I did.”

Then he thought about his wife and the smile vanished and his stomach twinged again. “Trouble is,” he muttered, “I caught one.”

The second young man leaned forward. “How’s that, Dad?”

“Never mind,” the gym owner said. “It doesn’t matter.” He leaned forward again. “Fellas, I’m gonna give you some free advice. Work out a compromise on this. Date during the week if you have to, but get home early for your own good. If you gotta stay out that late, do it on the weekend so you can sleep in the next day. That way you can have your social life and still make gains. Believe me,” he added, “weight training is still the best all-around thing you’ll ever do.”

The first young man lay back again and said, “You may be right, Dad. I don’t think I can keep up the pace anyway.”

“Good,” said the gym owner. “That’s a sensible decision. Now, I’ll tell you what to do. Go home and get a good night’s sleep. Then lay off training for the rest of the week and rest up. You can start in again next week with a fresh approach.”

“O.K.,” said the second young man. “We’ll give her a whirl.”

“Fine,” said the gym owner. “But don’t forget—nine or ten hours sleep every night. You won’t gain without it.”

The two young men got up and dressed and went home. Everyone else had already left. The gym owner walked around turning off lights and picking up towels. He put on his coat and walked to the door. “Girls,” he said. He turned around and looked at the spot on the ceiling where the roof leaked and the plaster needed fixing and then massaging his stomach with the palm of his hand he walked out and closed the door behind him.

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